Two of the programs don't really have a shell version, and using Ruby/Python/C#/JS? Come on, that is too un-hacker-y for the stereotypical Unix person.

• fucking coffee is what expect was designed for. This 1990 tool is authentic Unix stuff.
• kumar asshole is definitely originally written for the /var/spool/mail shite, not some fancy gmail queries. The mbox format is prime awk material.